Hypochondriac
by SakuraDouble
Summary: Sasuke is tired of sharing Sakura's attention with the hospital. So what does he do about it?


Hypochondriac

(Everyone's Favorite Cure)

A/N: This is for Strudel Ninja, who I am gradually turning into a Sasuke and Sakura freak. Ah, well. The more the merrier. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Nothing but the plot. Nope, I own nothing but the plot. :D

Sasuke was in the library, idly flipping through the pages of the dictionary. It's not like he had anything better to do, seeing as he was supposed to be sparring with Sakura, but she bailed. Something about "overtime at the hospital". He sighed. It was like he never got to see her anymore. Not that he cared or anything. Pssht. As if. He glanced down at his book and realized he was in the 'h's. Then, a particular entry caught his eye.

Hypochondriac: A person who constantly believes he or she is ill or about to become ill.

"Hmm," he thought to himself. "Well, if Sakura won't come to me, I'll go to her." With a smirk, he put the dictionary back on the shelf, and took off for the hospital.

As Sasuke walked through the streets of Konoha, speculating what illness he should come down with, it occurred to him that he would need some symptoms. Damn. With that, he henged. Thank Kami-sama his mother had studied to be a medic when he was younger- he needed all the weird symptoms he could come up with.

Sasuke stepped through the hospital doors and sat in the waiting room, twiddling his thumbs.

Pretty soon after, Sakura came in for the next patient. She was obviously surprised to see him there. "Sasuke? Why are you blue?"

"I'm not positive, but I think it's called 'Blue Skin Disorder'."

Sakura's eyes crinkled and she laughed. "Thanks for cheering me up. It's been really hectic. See you later." She waved and went to turn around.

Sasuke was gripping her arm. "Sakura. I was serious."

She looked at him and shook her head. "Be real. Blue Skin Disorder is hereditary. Now, I really need to work. I'll talk to you later, okay?" And she walked away.

Sasuke stared after her. Well, _hell_. That hadn't worked. Maybe if he tried a different disease?

Five minutes and another henge later, Sasuke Uchiha was back in Konoha Hospital's waiting room. When Sakura came out, she was, needless to say, surprised to see him again.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm sick. I have Vampire Disease. I blister in the sun."

She sighed. "Sasuke. You have a sunburn. If you truly had Vampire Disease, I think I would've noticed before today. Now, seriously, leave. I have work to do." She went to the next patient in line, a Chuunin with a sprained ankle.

Sasuke hit himself in the head as he walked out the doors. Of course, he needed a disease that you could acquire over time. That was easy enough to do.

Moments later, he was back in the waiting room, whistling along.

When the pink-haired medic came out, she was not happy.

"What do you have his time, Mr. Hypochondriac? The chicken pox, perhaps?"

Sasuke shook his head. "Actually, I believe I have Jumping Frenchman Disorder."

"Sasuke!" Sakura threw her hands up in the air. "How can I treat a bunch of fake illnesses?! I need real patients who are actually sick!"

He blushed, but only faintly, because Uchihas aren't supposed to blush. "Um, well, I think I have a real illness."

"Okay. What is it?"

"Mumble. Mumble-y mumble mumble. Mumble-y."

She crossed her arms over her chest and the vein in her forehead started throbbing a little. "What did you say?"

He sighed and put his hand to his head. "Never mind, just forget it. It's not important."

"Come on, Sasuke. What is it?"

"No."

"YOU WILL TELL ME, DAMN IT, OR YOU'LL FEEL WRATH. GOT IT?" Sakura's forehead vein was on full "throbble" by now.

"Hn. Well, I believe I'm suffering from something foreign. I get this achy feeling in my chest when you're not around. My face turns red whenever I say something to you. And my knees buckle when you walk by. And I get these intense feelings of rage when I see you talking to other men."

Sakura stared at him. And stared at him. And stared at him. Then smiled. "Sasuke," she walked closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "You have what most people call, 'Denial'. But don't worry. That's something that can be _very_ easily treated."

And she kissed him.

That day, Sasuke found out the thing all women know. That the only real, foolproof cure for any possible disease or infection is a kiss... and the pain goes away.

A/N: So? What'd you think? Tell me in a review! And don't forget to read something by Strudel Ninja! -SakuraDouble

Oh, by the way, let the record show, that I used diseases that really do exist. Blue Skin Disorder is when people have blue, plum, indigo, or almost purple skin but no other serious problems. Vampire Disease is when people feel pain and blistering if they're caught in the sun, and sometimes as soon as the sun touches their skin. And Jumping Frenchman Disorder is when people are extremely startled by an unexpected noise or sight, to the point where patients with this disorder will flail their arms, cry out and repeat words.


End file.
